To be, or not to be...

First off, I’m terrible at blogging. And B… my life is awesome.

Quick recap. Had a rockin summer, flew home, drove back, camped a little, rope-swing-ed a little, rafted a little, played a lot, made tons of friends, gathered a little focus in my life.

Doing what’s right + living a healthy life = happiness, peace, satisfaction, and contentment.

Balance. Not something I’m so good at. I do/feel things in phases. If I like a song, I’m addicted and listen to it on repeat till everyone around me hates my guts. If I’m motivated to do my homework, I’ll do a week’s worth at a time. If I’m motivated to be more physically healthy, I go off the deep end…. For a little while. None of it is usually sustained. If I’m in the mood to do something, I go at it full force, till my drive runs out.

This manner of living doesn’t really get one anywhere, except a few random, sweet accomplishments.

What I need to work on striving for is dedication and consistency.

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I actually wrote that a few weeks ago. My computer (you go, baby computer) autosaved it, and I found it today. For once, I’ve actually been pretty good about following through with this goal! The few things I’ve been wanting to work on (school, work, service, fun, progression with my Okla-homie, talking to my fam, and sleep, to name a few) have made marked progress – and my life feels so much more fulfilling because of it.

Okla-homie and I had a pretty good discussion whilst hiking the other day about what motivates us. I like setting goals and achieving them. Being able to check something off a list brings me great satisfaction. Lately, however, I’ve started being more motivated by the kind of person I want to BE, rather than the things I want to DO. If I want to be more spiritual, I read my scriptures, have a better attitude, participate in more service, etc. If I want to be more adventurous, I go camping, I go skydiving, I let random men throw me over a ravine, whatever. Life is too complex to plan exactly… so if I can focus on BEING a certain way, it allows me to be more flexible… and I think I like that kind of progress as a person better anyway.

Life is beautiful.
:)

I'll update later, for now... Take It Easy :)

I’m one of those people who thrives off of living at a million mph. I like the stress of deadlines, being busy, being involved, being efficient, and feeling accomplished and well-rounded. Sometimes though, living like that makes me miss out on the little stuff that can make life so beautiful.

I’ve been trying to slow down lately, and savor life’s tender moments. Building forts. Taking naps with my Okla-homie. Playing tennis. Going camping. Having good conversations. Cooking. Playing with Legos. Reading. Doing the things that never quite seem to make it to the priority list, but make life seem much more simple and fulfilling.

Guess what? It’s working :)



This is going to start happening very, very soon...

Billie Jean is not my lover....

Oh life. Live it, love it.

I am a list person. I have so many lists… on my phone, computer, brightly-colored-post-it notes, in my brain… things to accomplish throughout the day, things to buy, things of note, things to read, things to remember, things to achieve in my lifetime… all in hopes of giving myself some direction and trying to avoid forgetting something important.

I want to be a do-er. I think that’s part of why I make lists. If I have a physical set of mini-goals, I always have something to DO, rather than waste my time with sleeping or movies (which are easy to default to).

Having so much free time this summer (I’m not doing classes, just working) and living in a different kind of apartment complex (moving from the Colony to King Henry) have helped me learn a lot of lessons. So I’ll make a list :).

-ALL people are God’s children. Even the stupid ones.
-If I want to make something of my life, it’s up to me.
-I DO want to make something of my life.
-A testimony isn’t a given and shouldn’t be taken for granted.
-I don’t want to be the kind of person who is a burden to others.
-I have a testimony of the honor code and BYU’s standards.
-Going to all of your church meetings actually matters.
-Participating in those meetings matters too.
-Life is what you make of it.
-There are many levels of happiness, and the most desirous involves high standards, expecting a lot of yourself, working hard, sacrifice, and putting the Lord first.

And of course I learn new lessons every day. Isn’t life grand? :)

Why I love going home

-Diversity.
-Over-grown beauty.
-Hip-hop and R&B on the radio.
-“God bless you.”
-Dancing in public.
-People picking me up.
-Friendly strangers striking up a conversation.
-Humidity.
-Simplicity – folks don’t try to complicate life.
-Open space.
-Farmers chatting on the side of the road.
-Real football.
-Festivals.
-The horizon.
-Thunder storms.
-Southern hospitality.
-The music scene isn’t a year and a half behind.
-Minimal traffic.
-No grid system – everyone just knows where things are.
-The obvious – my family and friends and pets and familiar stomping-ground.

There’s something to be said for going home and having nice chats with those individuals who had the greatest impact on my upbringing. I know I say this often, but my parents are smart. I have no idea how I’m supposed to be responsible for preparing children to face the world someday. How on earth did my parents give me the kind of knowledge, discernment, awareness, and desire to make good choices that allow me to survive this crazy life? How am I supposed to guide and foster healthy growth so my future children can be good citizens, have common sense, want to do what’s right, make something of their lives without too much trauma in the process, have a good perspective and decision-making skills, and everything else? I see so so so so many people that just don’t GET it, how am I supposed to help my not-yet-existent children avoid that? I know I am extremely far from perfect, but I feel like my parents did a great job of instilling good values, giving me a spine, teaching me how to take care of myself and be responsible, making sure I know how to THINK, and so many other things that are so difficult to teach...

I know, these imaginary children will be their own people with agency and brains and desires and personalities and all of that… there’s the whole nature and nurture theories and the fate of another is never entirely up to me…

But still. Parenting is intense.

Thanks, mom and dad, for not letting me turn out as a screw-up.

Loosen up baby

Today, My Beloved Roommate and I leave on a road trip... for OK and TX.

That's normal, we're cool, guys.

My spiel of the day - be a duck. Let life slide off your feathers. Don't let little/big problems break your stride. Bad things happen, perhaps often, but what counts is how we handle those tough times.

Keep smiling, and know that you're strong enough to handle whatever is thrown your way, there's a lot to be said for endurance.



More evidence that I'm a nerd.

Jaded

First, an update. Survived finals, survived moving, survived training and re-certification for lifeguarding at Seven Peaks, loved the visit from my mom, loved Wicked, loved learning that I can survive hard times, loved rediscovering my independence, loved getting my life back on the right track.

Overall, a good month, I’d say.

I’ve never been the kind to lose focus. I’ve always been very into self-discipline, goal setting and achieving, doing what’s right, and trying to improve myself and those around me. I think maybe I got complacent. Excelling and being a good person became almost second nature, I forgot how to try, how to put forth effort. I guess I subconsciously figured I was set, that nothing could break my stride.

Of course, that’s when temptation and struggles and life get in the way.

This life is a never-ending challenge (that can result in never-ending happiness, if we rise to said challenge) and we can never let our guard down. There is no save-point or get-out-of-trials-free card, there is only progression or regression.

Although going through times like this obviously has negative side-effects, I think it’s alerted me to how aware I truly need to be. I can make difficult choices and I can come out of tribulation on top, but I need to remember that it requires constant effort and deviation from the path of least resistance.


one day, I'll get over posting lame pictures that make me laugh. today is not that day.

Keep on keepin' on

That pretty much sums it up.

Finals week = lame and stressful. But we can and must endure this, and in the end... it's the end.

So chin up, study hard, drink lots of Diet Dr. Pepper, say your prayers, and we'll survive this next week. Good luck to us all!



sometimes, I make posts just for the pictures